from Rita Kirstyn and I first started working on Dear Diary in June of this year. And in that time, we've met so many people and come across so many different experiences and perspectives that it could fill far more than 30 days worth of blogs. The last four months have been a rich and fulfulling experience - and we haven't even gotten to the event yet! But one thought about the entire thing has made me sad lately. Oftentimes, our initial response to someone opening up about something, whether it be their mental health, their sexuality, their race... in fact any difficult or sensitive subject is to say 'You're so brave!' and that makes me sad. It's not to say that people aren't brave for talking about such sensitive and personal issues - especially when most of these issues result in negative consequences. You're lucky if it only results in a change in how people perceive you. In the worst cases, you could be persecuted by the people around you. I wholeheartedly agree that to accept either of those as even a possibility after you open up to someone takes immense bravery. That bravery is something to be proud of and celebrated. But no, what makes me sad is when I think about the society we live in that has forced people to first become brave before they open up. So many people have suffered so much as a result of this. That in itself can be a root of depression, anxiety and who knows what else? That is why platforms with a safe space for expression is so important. I know because I have deleted more than two blog drafts that have me opening up about the state of my mental health. And what is stopping the key strokes and pressing delete is just what I've mentioned above. A fear of being seen differently, treated differently. Of course I've talked about this with close friends and I'll probably get to talking about if you asked me in person but writing it all down is such a strange sensation. It feels so finite. So open. Or as a friend described it to me yesterday, so naked. At one point, I feel like a hypocrite. I've been asking people to bare their souls to our readership. And those who have agreed and who have submitted materials to us, they are the embodiment of what Dear Diary is - owning your own experiences and finding the power in that. It feels strange that I advocate this but can't harness that power for myself. But I guess that's why I'm doing this. In some weird way (and maybe self-centred as well, now that I think about it), I am using Dear Diary to process my own issues with talking about my mental health and with coming to term with my own stories. It's like some form of group therapy, or some beacon that I shine out to find that I'm not alone. Today, I'm telling myself that's ok. I'm telling myself that it's ok to seek the help of others and wanting not to feel alone in what you perceive to be your weakness. In fact, I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that there's some bravery in that too.
You don't have to speak up to be brave. You can be brave just for wanting to... just for working your way to it. PS: I will get to posting that blog eventually. It's a work in progress.
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