from Rita Tonight's blog (or this morning's, depending on how you look at things) comes much later than expected, and with absolutely different content than expected because I've just come back from a lovely night in with friends. I'd originally planned on writing a follow up on yesterday's blog, more on the complexities and issues raised by the Harvey Weinstein scandal (and might still do at some other point), but this changed because as I was eating... laughing... ranting with my friends, I realised and appreciated the importance of female friendships. Let's set the scene. Four girls ranging from mid-twenties to early thirties. Just finished eating the dinner we'd made together, now sat around the living room having some apple pie and tea. We're talking about our days. Talking about funny things that have happened recently. We're ranting about everything, past and current. That was rude. That was sweet. Why are they like that? We're analysing things as a collective, rationalising things like a committee and passing a group consensus. Relationships, friendships, sex, careers, family... everything. One of us comments that it's almost like a stereotypical scene out of the film. And yeah, in some ways it is. This is what we see in chick flicks all the time. But chick flicks trivialise the importance this experience... this ritual has for women. 'Girls nights' like this are more than just gab sessions to dish and gossip, paint each other's nails or make avocado face masks (not that you can't do that!) IAs I listened to my friends stories, heard them exclaim "Oh, I totally get that!" or "The same thing happened to me recently!" or "That's not weird at all!" I realised that this is the perfect example of the role female friendships play in women's mental health. I came into that filled with worries that lived in my head for the last couple of days. Worries I'd tried to dissect, analyse and over-analyse in an inwardly manner. The more I kept it to myself, the more it grew into this big black mass in my head that made everything so much more grave and serious. The safety and support you feel in these situations is astounding. Those who have experienced hanging out with a group of women will know that you can come in there and absolute stranger and leave having talked about worries that you would have felt difficult to express one-on-one even with a close friend. We didn't plan it to be a heavy, emotional conversation filled with drama and bitching. And neither did it become that. The mood was casual and so was the flow of our expression. We talked about our worries casually, genuinely and honestly. We didn't hide feelings of frustration or anger. There wasn't any need to because there was no pressure. Some of us in the group had known each other for years. Others had only met in passing one time before. But the collective dynamic just facilitated a sense of security. Unspoken but entirely evident and binding. Worries just flow out of you and in that moment, you get support. Similar stories. Similar worries. You are not alone. We've been there. It is a feeling of genuine comfort, reassurance... sisterhood. It's like oral history, group therapy, peer counseling, support group and so many other things all rolled into one. It is an experience filled with introspection, perspective, empathy, solidarity and affirmation. I don't know what else to say other than I left there lighter than when I came in – clear-eyed, clear headed. All unplanned and unexpected. But then I usually feel like this after hanging out with the girls. "In each other, we found respite, recognition, a shared eagerness to relax, take stock and talk about it all... Female friendship has been the bedrock of women’s lives for as long as there have been women."
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